Generational Wealth and Big Money are not the same

Q: How do you make a small fortune in a construction business?
A: Start the business with a very large fortune.

“<Insert opportunity here>” has the potential for success which will lead to "Generational Wealth"; what parent would ignore an opportunity that will do so much for their children?  I ignore these opportunities and sometimes speak out against them.  Real opportunity is when you want or enjoy something so much you don't care if you get paid.  Unfortunately, generational wealth has almost nothing to do with inherited money.  I have fourth generation firsthand experience in this area.

From my mother's side of the family:
My great-great grandfather was a pastor in lower Alabama who started a church; one of his sons (John F) became a doctor in the early 1900's and another (Max) was a lawyer.  The doctor was my great granddad.  He had exceptional character and a strong work ethic and worked hard in the roaring 20's.  When the great depression hit, he was in a position to buy land as people needed to sell what they had to feed their families.  He thrived during the great depression because labor was inexpensive and the land he owned produced crops that were in demand.  Doctors were scarce in lower Alabama and he treated people without regard for how much they could pay for his services.
Perhaps because John F worked so much, or perhaps because he was "rich", one of his sons, my grandfather Fred didn't learn a good work ethic; he had good character, but was not a hard worker - when he married my grandmother, times were tough; she ended up getting a job at the post-office to support the family. Finally John F died and left Fred a huge estate of land – after that, he didn't have to work for the rest of his life.  He had 3 daughters; my mom and two aunts.  Momma went to college at Auburn and got a degree in teaching and married my dad when she graduated.  She taught at an elementary school until I was born a couple of years later.  Since early childhood I had a passionate curiosity for numbers and measurement so she taught me math, and then she taught me algebra; not in a lecture format - she would make some notes and let me spend days trying to figure out what they meant.  Eventually I started discovering things in books that I could figure out; early grade school was an exciting time for me; our options as children were to play peacefully in the yard or read/study quietly inside.

From my father's side of the family:
My great grandfather emigrated from Italy with nothing in 1908, my grandfather was born in 1909, and my dad was born in 1938.  I don't know what my great grandfather did for a living but I know he worked incredibly hard - over his lifetime he had 23 children and supported them all.  One of his sons, my grandfather "Poppa", was a self-made man.  In the 1930's he risked his life as a navigator and chief mate working on a ship in the merchant marine fleet.  He was making $50 a week, which was excellent money at the time, but on returning from sea when my dad was 2 or 3 years old and finding my dad didn't know who he was, he quit and joined the police force making $5 per week as a beat patrolman.  Poppa was a lifelong learner.  One of his core values was continuous self improvement; 35 years later he retired as the assistant chief of the Mobile police department.  My dad learned strong character and work ethic; he worked his way through college and graduate school, earned a PhD and DVM, worked hard his whole life, started and built a company, put 6 children through college without student loans, and retired owning a lot of land.  After we (siblings) were married and starting families of our own, he paid off the mortgages on each of our houses.

Generational Wealth has nothing to do with leaving money to your children.  It's about teaching and demonstrating to your children the following things:

1) High character
A person of high character believes that nothing is free.  She/he does not accept anything from anyone without making sure that a proper price has been paid, in whatever form of value is appropriate.  In the cases you are required to accept a "free" benefit, the exceptional person gives it away to an organization that is making the world a better place.

2) Exceptional work ethic
Unfortunately, in this unfair world, you have to work for free for an extended period of time before you're allowed to benefit from your efforts.  Sometimes you have to work for free and get nothing of value in return.  A person with an exceptional work ethic does this cheerfully and with his/her whole heart for the reward of knowing he/she is doing the right thing.

3) Common sense
A person with common sense makes his/her own plans and executes them without being swayed by opinions of others.  She/he uses time tested techniques for success and a good knowledge of world history as a guide.  She/he watches people over a period of time to correlate what they're doing that's working and what they're doing that's not.  Paying attention to successful people is the great teacher in this area.

4) Excellent decision making skills
Making decisions in the face of uncertainty is a learned skill.  Know and weight all the dimensions of each decision: opportunity cost, time cost, worst downside, probable downside, potential upside, probable upside, dependence on outside events, dependence on skills, available resources, etc.

5) A solid college or better education
Everyone is ignorant at some level; fortunately, a higher education helps most people be less ignorant in some areas of life.  Wise parents teach children to focus on practical areas of learning which are applicable to things they enjoy doing and/or show them how to accomplish them with greater effectiveness.  They take a lot of courses unrelated to their "perfect job" and pick up a broad understanding of a lot of different subjects.  The world is a stage and you never know who is in the audience, and you won't get to perform if you don’t have the required vocabulary to ask an intelligent question.

6) Continuous lifelong learning
Count the number of books in your house and the content of them.  When I grew up, I used to love going to "Poppa's" house because his library had hundreds of books in it - browsing the shelves was fascinating because he loved to read about and learn "interesting" stuff.  When I was a young man, I spent hundreds of dollars a year on books and audio tapes; in the last decade I switched over to downloaded free content; nearly every PhD program in the world (especially the exceptional ones) puts a lot of course work online for free and nearly every PhD candidate publishes his/her dissertation for free.  There is no excuse for not becoming a graduate level expert in your area of interest over the course of a decade or more.

7) Practical/personal confidence
Winning gracefully is a learned behavior.  Treating every loss as an opportunity to learn is also a learned behavior.  Keeping a positive outlook in the face of adversity is a key life skill.  You don't need encouragement because, in fact, it's you that is encouraging everyone around you and by doing so, helping them be more than they otherwise could have been. The world is a stage and you never know who is in the audience, and you won't get to perform if you don’t have the required courage to ask a stupid question.

8) Systems theory skills
Every system has written rules, unwritten rules, and actual rules.  Learning to explore the actual rules of a system is a key characteristic of a master in a given field.  Learn to use leverage in its various forms; read the biographies of people who were widely considered accomplished in your field, and others.  In any system where you aren't getting the results you want, it's not because you don't have the necessary resources, time being the most valuable - it's because you're not following the actual rules; you don't know them yet.  There are no shortcuts, and there's no free lunch.

Cold rolled steel, duct tape, and barbed wire

There are insider secrets in the software industry.  The few products that work like cold rolled steel are actually constructed with barbed wire and duct tape under the hood.  They are typically developed over a period of many years and maintained by seasoned veterans that have developed skin so thick they don’t even get scratched anymore and tools/skills akin to a high power unbreakable industrial weed eater.

Yes, it’s so sad to see the fresh college graduates get hired into the company and find that no one told them the things they learned in school aren’t very applicable.  I hate it when after six months to a year they start to see the dull terrible truth that college is only the first step and they’ll need to spend five to fifteen years practicing and learning to have the skills needed to get out of the sweat shop.  Of course, to add insult to injury; all the technology is going to change during that time.  If they’re smart, they’ll concentrate on things that don’t change; good design, time proven technologies, human nature (people skills), and continuous learning.  The ability to absorb, to learn, to understand, and to apply new information, techniques, and principals is the master skill of most masters.

The thing that limits most people in a corporate environment is not so much what to do, or how to do it, but "why" it is being done.  The higher the level of “why” you can figure out, the more successful you will be able to be.  There are many people in companies wondering around the building seemingly with no purpose or value that end up being wildly successful.  At the same time, many smart hard working do great work and go nowhere for decades and then get terminated and replaced with a fresh, young, cheap college graduate.

Interestingly, few self-help oriented materials/classes/seminars are helpful in the long term.  Most concentrate on “what”, “how”, etc. when those things are seasonal.  It’s really the “why” that governs or controls everything else.

What are Core Values and Which are yours?

Which of these are core values and which are levels/scales/measures of a single core value?
--- List 1
Perfection - The highest attainable standard
Superiority - The quality or condition of being superior to something or someone
Independence - Being free from the influence, guidance or control of others
Balance - Balancing time and effort between money, family, friends, health, faith
Responsibility - Being accountable for results, conscientious, reliable, trustworthy
Celebrity - Being famous, known, recognizable
Public exposure - Dealing with the public, day-to-day contact, in the public spotlight
Significance - Holding a position of importance, high standing or prestige
Status - The position, prestige or ranking of an individual in relation to another or others
Recognition - Giving and receiving acknowledgement for achievements
Results - To be concerned with outcomes of efforts or focus
Achievement - Sense of accomplishment, attainment
Power - Authority, control, command, clout
Influence - Being a compelling force on actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others
Control - To exercise restraint or limitation on others or situations
Stability - Predictable routines, schedules, providing security, constancy, regularity
Structure - Formality, processes, systems
Urgency - Fast-paced, swift, action-oriented
Toughness - Strong and durable, not easily broken or overcome
Self-control - Control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings, etc.
Advancement - Moving forward through clear defined goals, or flexibly altered goals
Wisdom - Having deep understanding, insight, knowledge, ability to make good judgments
Integrity - Beliefs and actions are congruent, being true to who you are, doing what you say
Correlation - Discovering relationships between two or more things
Knowledge - Subject matter expert, education via experience or study
Precision - Accuracy, exactness, meticulousness, correctness
Excellence - Standard of being outstandingly good and having exceptional merit
Thoroughness - Attention to detail and accuracy, being complete and without omission
Mastery - Proficiency, excellence in a given field or area
Growth - Investing in lifelong learning, personal development, self-education
Effectiveness - The ability to produce a desired effect or outcome
Efficiency - Creating results in a timely manner with minimal waste, expense, or unnecessary effort
Competence - Possessing the skill, knowledge and ability to effectively perform
Professionalism - Setting and maintaining boundaries to be effective, produce strong results
Consistency - Precision with little tolerance for errors or unpredictability
Teamwork - Cooperative, collective effort by a group or team
Collaboration - Working with others for common goals
Contribution - Service, giving to or supporting charity or cause
Competitiveness - Working against others where there are clear win/lose outcomes
--- List 2
Courage - Willingness to take calculated risks, operating outside one's comfort zone
Victory - A success or triumph over a challenge or enemy in battle or war
Adventure - New heights, new challenges, adrenalin rush, taking risks, thrills
Creativity - Being imaginative, innovative, inventive, original, out-of-the-box
Decisiveness - Access and eliminate all alternatives
Education - To act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge
Self-Identity - Having self-respect, pride, dignity, confidence
Empowerment - Gaining power, authority or ability to accomplish
Environment - Commitment and dedication to the earth and the physical world in which we live
Faith - Belief in a higher power
Spirituality - Beliefs, meaning of life/existence, faith, existentialism
Virtue - Moral excellence, goodness, righteousness
Forgiveness - Letting go of feelings of resentment, pardoning actions or situations
Trust - Firm reliance on the integrity, ability or character of a person or thing
Truth - A verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like
Family - Being with family - both quality and quantity of time
Health - Physical and psychological well-being, vigor, strength
Fitness - Being physically fit, regular physical activity, optimal well-being
Freedom - Able to move about without bounds or restraints, liberty
--- List 3
Harmony - Agreement, accord, harmonious relations
Tranquility - Calmness, peacefulness, quiet, serenity
Happiness - Good fortune, pleasure, contentment, joy
Honor - Honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions
Fairness - Treating people and being treated equally, equitable, moral rightness
Honesty - Being truthful, sincere
Belonging - To feel part of a group or association of others
Camaraderie - Importance of personal relationships and warm working relationships
Commitment - Being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action, dedication
Variety - Diversity of cultures/lifestyles/experiences
Consensus - General agreement or accord, harmony with others
Compassion - Caring about others, watch out for pity which is the near enemy of compassion
Hope - Maintaining and optimistic or enthusiastic outlook
Humility - The quality or condition of being humble, having a modest opinion of self
Accountability - Take responsibility for both actions and outcomes
Authenticity - The quality of being true, genuineness
Directness - To speak honestly and without avoiding important or unpleasant points
--- List 4
Leadership - Ability to influence and direct others, guidance
Loyalty - Devoted or faithful to a person, an idea, a custom, a cause or a duty
Obedience - The act or practice of obeying, dutiful or submissive compliance
--- List 5
Openness - Accessible, as to appeals, ideas, or offers
Organized - Importance of order, structure, neatness, systems, tidiness
Simplicity - Lack of complexity/complication
--- List 6
Intimacy - Close, familiar, and often affectionate or loving personal relationship
Security - Protection or precautions taken against escape, loss, custody
Unity - Absence of diversity, unvaried or uniform character
Kindness - Friendly, caring, liking
Pleasure - Enjoyment, delight, gratification
Passion - Intense emotional excitement, boundless enthusiasm
Perseverance - Resilience, never giving up regardless of challenges or problems
Tolerance - A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward others

Unto one of the least of these

The inhabitable part of my brick tent has a kitchen, two bedrooms with full size beds, and a living room with a desk, TV, DVD player (no cable) and a small twin size bed. The current occupancy is me, roommate #5 "M", age 42 and roommate #7 "O", age 39.  "M" has been here for almost a year and is now church going, has a bubbly fun personality, an incessant neat-nick, and down to once a month or less on the street.  "O" is a well known veteran third avenue north street walking prostitute, has a commanding soldier like personality, and has in recent weeks slowed down to being on the street only a couple of nights a week.

Then last Friday roommate #6 "A", age 23, called and asked to come back; I said no, I’m sorry, there's not enough room.  She asked to borrow $80 to get home; I replied "A, if it were possible I would gladly do it, but it's not right now".  "A" is one of the least of these.  She has no home, no id.  She doesn't remember her birth date and doesn't know how old she is.  She has had her mind somehow damaged during the years she has lived on the street and spends a lot of time in a non-cognitive awake state; during her first stay (three months), I found that one of her personalities is a college graduate, has a house and two cars (imaginary) and is interested in finding a job (not likely); another personality is a child - age 4 maybe, and the other state is the non-cognitive awake - kind of like what it would be like to wake up and not know anything about yourself, wondering where you are; a sense of fear because you obviously weren't born today but you can't remember anything previous to today.  A few days after being off the street, she starts hallucinating and is unable to tell what’s real and what’s imaginary.

I went to bed last Friday night (in the front room, on the small bed) and about 3:00 AM "A" knocks on the door.  I opened it - "A", are you OK? - No response.  She's non-cognitive and has a bewildered, lost look on her face.  She walked in and jumped under the covers; I slept the rest of the night on the reclining chair.  In the morning I made sure she had a good meal and she slept for the next couple of days.

Sleeping on the recliner isn't good sleep for me; I wake up with a pain in my neck and tired.  "M" looks at "A" with an attitude of disgust - asking me why I let her stay.  "O" is younger but wiser and cooks extra so everyone has enough to eat.  Monday I was ready for bed and "A" saw me headed for the recliner, rolled over to the far side of the twin bed and said "You can sleep here."  That touched me; an act of kindness from someone who has nothing.  (Note: I sleep fully clothed so no one will steal my keys or wallet - it's happened more than once.) It was a little bit of an improvement but the bed is so small that whenever one of us needed to shift positions, then the other had to shift in the opposite way.  So the next night I went back to the recliner.

It creates cognitive discord for "O" and "M" - this is my house, I pay all the bills, and although "M" cleans and "O" cooks; their contribution is nowhere near the bar of "free ride".  I was hoping that one of them would suggest that "A" and I would be able to sleep better on a bigger bed and offer to trade; note: I don't need anyone's permission to do this if I so choose.

So last night, I abandoned the recliner and slept on the floor; this morning I was shocked - "A" abandoned the bed and slept on the floor also, a few feet away. This is so interesting to me - it was an action of thankfulness from a person who is barely functional, while surrounded by others blessed beyond belief by comparison who hoard their supplies look down on the less fortunate.

It will be an interesting rest of the week - one of my personal rules is that I refuse to be more comfortable or less hungry (when there's not enough food) than any guest in my house.

The search for self

Early in my life I was a fighter pilot - in the moment, throttle on, wing mounted missiles armed, on a mission.  Sometimes I was in a squadron, mostly I flew solo.  I practiced harder than all my peers; my work day started two hours earlier and lasted four hours longer; weekends were the welcome 20+ hours of "focus time".  Over time, I became unstoppable, highly visible, feared, appreciated, lonely, prideful, arrogant, and complacent.  That was three decades ago.  Little did I realize the world changes?  Being a highly visible ruler of your own empire is a sure precursor to an attack.  Being an arrogant ruler without mercy or allies is a sure precursor to an invasion; of course, you can prevail against one army, any one attack, win any battle – but what happens when you run low on jet fuel and ammo?  Everyone attacks, all looking for a piece of your previous castle.  I bailed out, watched my plane go down in smoke, and found myself hanging from a tree in a foreign hostile jungle.  No water, no food, no shelter - it took seven days and seven nights to make it to the shore of the ocean.  I found I was on a big island far from home.  Then I realized, wait, I have no home, and, no one misses me.  All of the previous years of hard work and now, there is nothing to show for it.  I pondered this life lesson long and hard.

Next in life I decided to be the commander of a ship of my own design.  It was a big submarine.  The conning tower looks like a simple small wooden fishing boat; I rarely surfaced above the apparent hull.  It had a big belly, plenty of room for guests or crew, but fully automated; usually I was the only resident.  Right above the primary command and control console is the logo "In God We Trust, All others we track".  I spent my days fishing and relaxing topside, not appearing to be a threat, but looking for opportunistic targets - opportunities to right wrongs, produce unexpected results, promote those who helped me, and defend my allies from attack.  Over time, I learned to enjoy submarine warfare.  It was a different kind of empire.  I was sometimes attacked, usually defended by my allies, but able (if necessary) to sink the opposition without any visibility.  No one suspected the aging man fishing in the little boat was directing and controlling all the surrounding empires.  I used a low profile to know the people's real struggles and help them.  I used tubes one through six to sink their oppressors.  While fishing top-side, I watched the privates, captains, pilots, generals, and commanders.  Some are successful and some are not.  Some are happy and some are not.  These two groups are not related. I pondered this life lesson long and hard.

Epilogue

Now in life, I watch and learn - looking for things to do that make a long term difference.  My disciples are the ones fishing from the conning towers and my grand-disciples rule all the known empires with the Wisdom of Solomon.  Love, joy, peace, kindness, long suffering, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are my new weapons of choice.  God is good.

Technically, I have a dream!

Below is a representation of an email I sent to my coworkers five years ago; I am the chief architect of ProductXYZ.

Two score years ago, a great American (Grace Hopper), in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, penned the COBOL language specification.  This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of programmers who had been seared in the flames of multiple and inconsistent time representations. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their confusion.

But thirty five years later, ProductXYZ still is not free. Thirty five years later, the life of the XYZ programmer is still sadly crippled by the manacles of multiple time representations and the chains of incompatibility. Thirty five years later, the programmer lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of sound practices. Thirty five years later, the programmer is still languished in the corners of inconsistent implementation and finds himself an exile in his own code. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our compilers wrote the magnificent words of consistent data representations and the Declaration of the DateTime class, they were signing a promissory note to which every programmer was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all programmers, yes, C++ as well as C# and Java, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Now, Tomorrow, arbitrary conversion, and seamless database integration." It is obvious today that ProductXYZ has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her functionality involving time are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, ProductXYZ has given the programmers a bad check, a check which has come back marked "multiple, inconsistent DateTime functionality."

-- err, maybe I'm getting a little carried away...  Anyway, in XYZ we're still coding forward the concept of storing a minutes-since-midnight value, an x_hr (msm/60) and a x_min (msm%60), and (in some cases) an x_sec value - dating back to the 8088/xt days when it was expensive to do division and mod operations when rendering the text screen.  In relative terms, I believe the time we spend coding and debugging the 3 values is now a waste of time for the small payback it represents on modern machines.  For the immediate term, let's quit calculating and storing the x_hr, x_min, and x_sec on new features.

etc. etc.

Epiloge
If you've ever worked in corporate, I don't recommend being me.  You get punished if you do and punished if you don't.  However, all companies are systems.  All systems can be manipulated - for good or bad.  God rewards the good and punishes the bad.  Companies reward profits and punish losses.  Success is simple, but very hard: create the profits.

The company I keep - roommate #2

One day many years ago I was sitting at my favorite spot in the "High-note".  It was a bar owned by an older Italian man, Sam, having "Interesting Character" (both the man and the bar).  In the back of the bar was another big concert room called the "Rocking Horse" and run by one of Sam's sons. 

On this particular night, Sam had a couple of free passes to the event in the back and chose to give one to me.  When I entered the room, it became obvious that this was an all black event.  Not only was I the only white face in the room, there was the familiar smell of freshly smoked bud (marijuana) in the air. This was a battle of the bands event where the bands (mostly rap) competed to win a prize.  In one of the bands, "H" was the lead wrapper.  When I first laid eyes on her, it was a magical moment; before me on stage was the most beautiful young woman I had ever seen before.  How could I even meet, much less speak with this individual?  I made a plan.  I am well versed in systems theory and this was an opportunity to exercise influence in a realm far outside my capabilities at the time.  During the concert, I asked around to find out who organized the event and when the next one would be.  At the end of the night, I walked up to "H" smiling, said "I enjoyed your performance", and handed her a $20 bill and went home.   Every time she performed for the next year, I did the same thing.  After that, I changed the routine slightly.  This time, I added "and this is my business card and my cell phone number on the back.  I'd really appreciate it if you could send me an email or phone call so I'll know when and where you're performing".  Then I started skipping concerts; first every other one, then most of them.  It didn't take long for the cognitive discord to set in.  She started calling me when she would perform.  She soon realized that I was more reliable, consistent, honest, and dependable than anyone else she knew so at some point I became her personal driver.  In the first few months, there were always three or four people who jumped in the car with her.  She enjoyed the prestige of being able to get a ride from point A to B whenever she needed, and having someone available who was cheerful, on time, and asking for nothing in return.  Growing up in the hood and meeting someone like me is simply outside the life experience of everyone.

I met all her family and interestingly, there is no shortage of freeloaders there.  The patriarchs hold down rent, power, and water bills either through a disability check or clerical work.  The children don't work and provide food for the household through food stamps.  The grand children grow up in a home where they and their parents are not wanted or appreciated, and there are complex networks of codependency, addiction, prostitution, and distrust.

"H" signed with a major record label and moved to Atlanta to "make it big".  Around this time, I moved to Ensley and started my journey in the hood.  "H" and I spent long hours on the road over the next six months and became close friends.  Her family hated that she appeared to have a chance to be successful and did everything they could to emotionally sabotage her.

I noticed a pattern in her family - "H"'s momma actively spread rumors about her, brought up bad things from the past to discourage her at every opportunity - in fact, "H"'s momma actively spread rumors about me; imagine my surprise to hear through the grape vine that I'm a drug dealer.  That's funny.  Sauce for the goose actually - at that point I was on the inside; totally trusted and able to enable positive change in her life.  I made a strategic move; I started talking about how overwhelmed I was with the castle/brick-tent.  This naturally gave her the idea that she could move in and help with process of adding attributes of modern civilization.  After a particularly cruel episode at her grandmother’s house, she called for a pickup, loaded the back seat with a bunch of cloths, and moved in.  It was an awesome day.

I was ready.  In systems theory, the Tao of power is to place subtle elements into the system which modify the system in small ways.  Create elements that subtly reward what you want and elements that ever so slightly hinder what you don't want.  Over time, good change happens without effort and automatically because of the small parts of the system changed by your presence.  People who don't study systems theory call this powerful idea "unintended consequences".  I love the idea of "intended consequences".  Another major aspect of systems theory is perspective; the way you frame things in your mind or the way they are perceived by others has a major influence on the control that they exercise.

After a couple of months, "H" had the inside of the house looking awesome.  Her room was fully setup, looked really nice, and she (it turns out) is an awesome cook.   We had a daily routine where I would get up, bring her breakfast in bed from McDonalds, and then go to work then she would get up and jog around the neighborhood, then get cleaned up and do some daily house cleaning, then cook something for us in the evening.   Depending on what was going on, she might ride out with friends or have them over.  I enjoyed inquiring about the "wreck count" each day; it was often greater than zero - part of her jogging route was up Bush Blvd and many times guys would be so mesmerized they crashed into the curb.

Maybe a month later, one Thursday I came home from work and "H" announced "James, we're going to Church on Sunday."  That's fantastic, I said, which one?  "It's the Church I went to when I was in grade school.  I can't jog past it again without going in."  Life is interesting; I have a friend, closer than a sister, who is a New York trained amazing African dancer; beautiful from head to toe.  Over the years she shared her life with me, I remember that maybe half the black churches she performed at resulted in either the head pastor or an associate pastor approaching her and asking if she would like to have a "secret relationship".  I didn't share this with "H", but when we stepped through the Church doors on Sunday, not only was I wearing the "Full Armor of God", I was prepared to speak up if needed.  In this case, those fears were unwarranted.  It was funny when we sat down, two or three of the nearby children saw me and tugged on their momma's sleeves; "Momma - there's a white man!" pointing at me.

The service was amazing; at one point I thought to myself - "I can't believe I'm actually IN a Tyler Perry play."  "H" walked down front and had a spiritually saving experience.   Interestingly, one of the senior staff with the gift of discernment laid hands on me and gave me a spiritual interrogation the likes of which I did not know was possible.  I received a lot of attention those first few months in the Church - fodder for future blog posts; once there was an exorcism during the service - I was the possessed one; it failed.  I'm not sure if that was because whatever possessed me was more powerful than Pastor, or because the daemon presence was a false positive - hopefully the latter.

Over the next six months, I witnessed "H"'s life be absolutely transformed by the new spiritual dimension and the spiritual milk from the Church.  Fully six of the Church moms adopted "H".  She joined the Choir; I remember how fun it was to sit and listen while they practiced.  I remember the first Sunday she would be up front; she was awake and practicing at 5:30 am (Church starts at 11:00).

About six months later, she met the man of her dreams and moved out to live with him.  She got a hard low-end job, but worked hard at it and showed up reliably and consistently, so she got promoted after a year.  She married her man.  Then about six months later, she got a new job doing exactly what she loves to do.  This is career material.  "H" watched my ways; she used these concepts to create an environment where her husband cannot help but be a good one.  This is healthy whole family material.  God is good.

Epilogue
It is impossible to verbalize the joy I have experienced knowing "H".  Whether it came from the many times my heart was happy in her presence or being blessed with a front row seat watching the Lord transform a life, I'm not sure. 

My birthday is always very near Mother's day, so when I visited momma last Saturday for Mother's day, she sent me home with one of her pecan pies.  On Sunday, I had the privilege of giving it to "H"'s husband saying "Here's a little something from my mom on Mother's day - from my family to yours; it'll make you smile, and give "H" an even bigger smile."  Momma's pecan pies with "H" bring back good memories from years past.