The search for self

Early in my life I was a fighter pilot - in the moment, throttle on, wing mounted missiles armed, on a mission.  Sometimes I was in a squadron, mostly I flew solo.  I practiced harder than all my peers; my work day started two hours earlier and lasted four hours longer; weekends were the welcome 20+ hours of "focus time".  Over time, I became unstoppable, highly visible, feared, appreciated, lonely, prideful, arrogant, and complacent.  That was three decades ago.  Little did I realize the world changes?  Being a highly visible ruler of your own empire is a sure precursor to an attack.  Being an arrogant ruler without mercy or allies is a sure precursor to an invasion; of course, you can prevail against one army, any one attack, win any battle – but what happens when you run low on jet fuel and ammo?  Everyone attacks, all looking for a piece of your previous castle.  I bailed out, watched my plane go down in smoke, and found myself hanging from a tree in a foreign hostile jungle.  No water, no food, no shelter - it took seven days and seven nights to make it to the shore of the ocean.  I found I was on a big island far from home.  Then I realized, wait, I have no home, and, no one misses me.  All of the previous years of hard work and now, there is nothing to show for it.  I pondered this life lesson long and hard.

Next in life I decided to be the commander of a ship of my own design.  It was a big submarine.  The conning tower looks like a simple small wooden fishing boat; I rarely surfaced above the apparent hull.  It had a big belly, plenty of room for guests or crew, but fully automated; usually I was the only resident.  Right above the primary command and control console is the logo "In God We Trust, All others we track".  I spent my days fishing and relaxing topside, not appearing to be a threat, but looking for opportunistic targets - opportunities to right wrongs, produce unexpected results, promote those who helped me, and defend my allies from attack.  Over time, I learned to enjoy submarine warfare.  It was a different kind of empire.  I was sometimes attacked, usually defended by my allies, but able (if necessary) to sink the opposition without any visibility.  No one suspected the aging man fishing in the little boat was directing and controlling all the surrounding empires.  I used a low profile to know the people's real struggles and help them.  I used tubes one through six to sink their oppressors.  While fishing top-side, I watched the privates, captains, pilots, generals, and commanders.  Some are successful and some are not.  Some are happy and some are not.  These two groups are not related. I pondered this life lesson long and hard.

Epilogue

Now in life, I watch and learn - looking for things to do that make a long term difference.  My disciples are the ones fishing from the conning towers and my grand-disciples rule all the known empires with the Wisdom of Solomon.  Love, joy, peace, kindness, long suffering, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are my new weapons of choice.  God is good.